Life in a non-metro: Snail mail

I have absolutely no idea what he was looking at. There was nothing on the wall facing him; besides, the said wall was about 12 feet away. But he sat upright on the chair, hands on the lap, and looked straight ahead. "Perhaps he's meditating", I told myself after 5 minutes had passed without him showing any signs of life. Then, he got up (unhurriedly), walked to the window (leisurely), yanked it open, leaned out, spit forth a stream of bright red betel juice, closed the window, sauntered over to his chair, and resumed the former yogic position.

I was at the BSNL office, trying to get my user ID and password for a broadband connection. It was a big hall, about 30 feet square, with darkened glass windows, airconditioners whirring noiselessly somewhere, a Sun server rack, a U-shaped arrangement of two tables, and 9 people. Of them, only one person seemed to be doing anything (she was talking on the phone) - everyone else was either staring at the computer screen in front of them (with hands firmly in their laps) or turning the pages of dogeared registers (with pens not in their hands).

I obeyed the "Remove your shoes here" notice, took two steps, and asked the lady (who'd put the phone down in the meantime) about my user ID and password.
She: When did you apply?
Me: For the broadband? Four days ago.
She: It must have come yesterday. Good you came today; else by today evening it would have been couriered to your address.
I was taken aback by this efficiency (appearances are deceptive, I guess). I responded, "But that's okay madam, I would have got the courier in a day or two."
She looked up at me from over her spectacles (she'd begun writing something in a register) and declared, "Child, it takes 2 to 3 weeks for the courier to reach the subscriber."

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Just in case you're wondering, the process (recommended) of getting a broadband connection is as follows:

1. Give a request letter to the BSNL office at office X.
   
   Letter moves from office X to office Y, which
   
   
   
   • issues a modem to person A.
   
   
   • lets Office Z know, which asks Bangalore to send a user ID and password.
   
   


2. Wait for 2 days.


3. Go to office Z and collect the user ID and password (event described in the first few paragraphs of this blog post).


4. Ask office Y about person A's phone number and inform said person that your user ID and password have arrived. (heh)
   
   
   Person A visits your place, and installs and configures the modem.

The process (not recommended) of getting the connection: Downloading the broadband application form from the BSNL site, filling it up, and submitting it at office X. They'll ask you to give a letter on plain paper.

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Conclusion
It takes BSNL the following resources to service a broadband connection request:

• 3 offices


• 11 visible people (1 for receiving the application, 9 at the user ID and password issuing office, and 1 to helpfully set up the contraption at your home)


• Unknown number of invisible people (to move application from point A to B, to issue a modem to person A, to send and receive a request to Bangalore for user ID and password, et al, et cetera)

Sigh. I know. It's 31st July today. I filed my tax returns.

Loss for words

A colleague is babysitting his daughter today, so the little one has come to office. She is one of those types who mind when told to - so she's not touching anything, not talking to anybody, not banging the window panes, not peering into laptops but is largely amusing herself all by herself by running around the office, playing with a small ball, getting lost in the maze of cubicles, and laughing out aloud in joy.

That's when it struck me - there is no word in English for the pure laughter of a child. We have so many in Hindi - किलकारी , अटकेले, खिलखिलाना - but in English, it's just "laughter", plain and simple laughter.

I find myself at a loss for words.

Mutant words

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational had asked its readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. I thought that was fun, so here's my attempt:

With a letter added

• prayfer: a prayer for the appearance of a specific object in the Christmas stocking


• compunter: a computer that helps you place bets on software-offshoring companies in yet-to-be-developing nations


• sufferling: a child of insufferable parents


• abstinthe: to abstain from drinking absinthe while reading Wodehouse


• extravagrant: to stay out of suitcases in the presidential suites of grand hotels


• celeberate: when clueless celebrities gather in a TV studio to berate the policies of the government

With a letter deleted

• banstand: a covered outdoor platform, across the busiest crossing of a city, where crowds gather for lighting candles to fight terrorism


• univerity: a college that preaches universal truths


• faceboo: to join a Facebook group created for taking potshots at a person, an object, or an idea

With a letter changed

• inferface: a biometric interface that has sensors to figure out if your face has the characteristics of a jihadi killer


• singelton: a gay singer


• designame: to create self-explanatory designations from proper nouns. For example, Chief Satyam Officer


• conpetition: a pre-judged competition on a TV reality show


• euphomia: the feeling of intense happiness experienced by a megalomoaniac

Light a candle? What bullshit!

I was in school when Indira Gandhi was gunned down by her security guards. The months leading up to the assassination had seen India reeling under terrorist attacks from Khalisatani secessionists. My coming-of-age years were amidst notices in public places (and public transport) that went something along the lines "Do not touch any unclaimed object. It could be a bomb." My generation grew up with eyes peeled for any suspicious activity around them. Khalistan receded in the background...but Islamic fundamentalism appeared. India continues to be bombed regularly.

Which is why this Light-A-Candle thing seems so much of bullshit. Solemn-faced grown-ups and children will hold candles (with cardboard circles to protect their hands from the falling wax) and take a pledge to fight terrorism. Pray, how?

Translating wxdFast into Bengali

I am participating in the Decathalon project. Yesterday, I finished translating the user interface of wxdFast into Bengali.

STC-India's Pune conference

Fred Menezes, who's putting together the newsletter for STC-India's annual conference at Pune this year (Dec 11 - 13) asked me to prepare a crossword with the following specs: 20 X 20 grid, only technical communication clues, straight (not cryptic) clues.

Am almost done. Can hardly wait till it comes out coz I want feedback :-)

I'll put up the crossword at my wordplay site late night on Dec 13 (by which time it'll be public). In the meantime, am working on INDUS.

तुम जो कह दो तो आज की रात चाँद डूबेगा नहीं

... आसमाँ पर ये तिरंगा उम्र भर लहरायेगा...

Today, at 8:31 p.m. IST (roughly 10 minutes ago), the Indian flag touched the moon. India's very first moon mission, Chandrayaan-1, is spectacularly successful.

...A baby moon laughed sideways in the dark...